The summer movie season has officially kicked off. After a bit of a whimper from Wolverine and an enormous bang from Star Trek, we now have an entire four months of cinema gold to look forward to. At least that’s what I am hoping – this next month of releases has some potentially lofty highs and some utterly depressing lows. Here they are for your enjoyment, my picks for what to see and what to staunchly avoid.

Terminator: Salvation

Coming up next in what I’ve dubbed “the Summer of Sci-Fi,” Director McG is spearheading another attempt at getting an old, dying franchise off the ground, entrusted to breathe some new life into Terminator.
We all know the story of the Terminator franchise: a robot from the future is sent back in time in order to murder the leader of the human resistance before he has a chance to win the war against the robot faction. The first three films all followed this formula and for a while audiences loved it; Terminator 2 is arguably one of the best action sci-fi movies ever made. However, I am one of many that believe it might be time to “terminate” this franchise once and for all.
However, Terminator: Salvation does finally break the traditional formula of sending robot-protagonist Arnold Schwarzenegger back to our present. This time around we have Christian Bale as the leader of the resistance, John Conner, actually fulfilling the oft-alluded prophecy by taking control of his army. The long trailer gives us an insight to the post-apocalyptic future rife with lots of action and explosions.
The biggest problem I have with this film, and the franchise in general, is that we’ve already been given the ending. We know that the humans are going to win and that the machines send the Governator back in time to kill Linda Hamilton in an act of final desperation. For me, any degree of plot tension is lost when we know which characters survive and which ones will meet their untimely end. Sure it might be fun to go along for the ride, but I recommend waiting for this film on DVD or the internet.

Dance Flick

Once upon a time there was a magical comedy form in film known as the parody. The idea was to take a movie or specific genre of film and replicate it, but instead of producing a faithful adaptation, the parody would involve madcap humor, slapstick comedy and totally ridiculous situations. Talented comedians loved to flock to this genre and playfully poke the ribs of large filmmakers. Airplane, Young Frankenstein and The Naked Gun tickled our funny bones and made us really take a good look at the ridiculousness of movie conventions.
I am sad to say however that parody is now dead and the Wayans brothers killed it. After Scary Movie found moderate success, some brilliant marketing guru in La La Land decided it would be a great fun to crank out a similar masterpiece, AT LEAST TWICE A YEAR!!!! I have had to sit bewildered as turd loaf after turd loaf was forcefully shoveled down my throat. The latest crapfest, Dance Flick, is proving to be the cherry on top of my crap sundae.
In case it isn’t painfully obvious at this point, this movie is not a good use of your time. I recommend that this film and all responsible should be sacrificed to the comedy gods in order earn our forgiveness for putting up with these movies for so long.

Up

I have mentioned before to anybody who cares to listen about how my favourite move of last year was completely overlooked by the fine people of the academy due to the hindrance of being animated. In my humble opinion, Wall-E was one of the best films of all time. Maybe it has something to due with the fine folks at Pixar being akin to gods among men.
Indeed it seems that they can do no wrong. Their tenth and latest film, Up, looks to continue this tradition of unequivocal greatness. The film follows curmudgeonly old Carl as he inflates thousands balloons, attaches them to his house and flies off looking for adventure. A stowaway boy scout named Russell joins Carl as he travels around, bonding over this once in a lifetime experience.
Like everything that Pixar touches, this film looks like pure gold. It amazes me that after nearly fifteen years of making movies Pixar have yet to produce something that is cringe-worthy. I just hope that Up truly is fitting to carry on Pixar’s good name.

The Hangover

With a summer comedy it is extraordinarily difficult to predict which ones will be funny and which ones will turn out to be crap. The reason for this has a lot to do with the subjectivity of what people actually find funny. Yet, while everybody has their own specific tastes, there seem to be a couple of universal rules.
One truism that I subscribe to with comedy is that fresh faces are noticeably funnier; a comedic actor will often have one or two massive hit movies before they are appearing everywhere and with such massive overexposure we forget that they are funny. Will Ferrell was once considered to be a very humorous person, notching a massive hit with Anchorman, but after appearing in every second comedy for a few years, his appearance in a film is enough to make most people cringe.
Considering these collective norms, I am going to go on record stating that The Hangover will be this summer’s most quoted comedic movie. The film follows three friends (Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifinakis) who take their best bud to Vegas to celebrate his bachelor party only to wake up the next morning with no recollection of the previous night. Wild animals and babies run rampant in their hotel room and the guest of honour is missing in action… what the hell happened bro? These befuddled men seem to spend the rest of the film trying to retrace their steps and find their lost friend.

Other Films Coming out this Month

Didn’t see the film mentioned that you were hoping for? Here are some other movies coming out this month. Some are worth checking out, and others worth chucking out.

Angels & Demons – I’ve cracked the DaVinci Code! It says ‘stop making these films!’

The Brothers Bloom – Dirty Rotten Scoundrels did it much better the first time around.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian - I thought we said everything we needed to with the first movie.

Land of the Lost – It should have stayed there.

My life in Ruins – ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2: Electric Bugaloo’

Imagine That – Remember a time when Eddie Murphy was funny? Quite a while ago right?

The Taking of Pelham 123 – Another remake that nobody really wanted.

Moon – A brilliant little sci-fi thriller about isolation. Hey, I can’t hate them all!