Do you ever find that when you try to do anything productive in your house, you always just end up reading arbitrary Wikipedia pages and back-articles from Pitchfork? Does the combination of rumbling roommates, a cat that's always doing something weird and having all of your personal belongings in one spot make accomplishing things a grotesque ordeal? Do you ever just need to get the fuck out of your pad? Well, if you live in a shit-hole in North York, this would definitely ring true. Living downtown, on the other hand, is a whole new bushel of apples, with all kinds of shit to do and places to work or hang. Every month, the Steel Bananas folk venture out into the city to check out what Toronto has to offer to present you with a couple of sweet spots with fierce lattes and good vibes. Cafes are fucking wicked.

Linuxcafe
326 Harbord Street @ Grace

What the fuck is Linux anyway? I’ve had it (sort of) explained to me a number of times and I’m continually stalled by words that I don’t understand coupled with the speed at which they are delivered to me because everyone that’s into Linux is really, really excited about it. “Open Source,” “Kernel,” what the fuck is this jazz?

Whoa there, fella, I’m an English major: my knowledge of computers doesn’t go far beyond the fact that they compute things (or something to that extent). I can turn it on, I can browse with the best of them (or at least with the most decidedly mediocre of them) and I can sure as shit write up a mean Word document. Other than that, I would probably have better luck trying to read Ulysses while fucked out of my tree on mushrooms standing in the middle of the 401 than attempting to figure out even the most rudimentary computer-related procedures.

But I digress: what the fuck is Linux anyway?

These are the things I think of when I think of Linux: “DIY”, “They have a penguin for a mascot”, “It’s free” and to quote Alexander Keith’s ad men, “Those who like it, like it a lot.” That’s about it. Will I ever unearth the mysteries of the ethereal program (is it a program?) known as Linux? Dave, proprietor of the Linuxcafe on Harbord nearly burst blood vessels trying to drill it into my prose-padded skull, but oh reader, how I resisted! Poor man, I didn’t understand a darn word he said to me.

Ah, just as well. I suppose it is my fault for making a special trip to Grace and Harbord to check out a place called Linuxcafe. What could I possibly have expected, a passing relation to the kernel (nudge nudge, yeah?) and that would be about it? What I did stumble upon, according to Dave, is in fact the Linux collective’s North American headquarters. Alright!

Well, anyway, as an Operating System/Collective/Kernel/Program/Open Source Thingy (etc.), Linux escapes me like a pesky roadrunner, but as a coffee spot, Linuxcafe is damn charming. As the hub of operations for the Open Source Geek community of Toronto, and by extension, the universe, there are just as many glowing laptops presided over by as many geeks as you would expect, but oh, there’s so much more! In between the stacks and shelves of code books, toy penguins (plush and otherwise) and other assorted nerd paraphernalia, Harbord Street’s modest strip offers a fine little place for nerds and un-nerds alike to get together and share a latte with some interesting and cool people, while at once maybe learning a thing or two about Open Source. Brewing the Toronto staple, I Deal Coffee, which is now brewed, like, everywhere, Linuxcafe halts its trendy factor right there and goes into full gear with unbridled, spectacular kitsch that assaults you from all directions. In the fun, laidback sort of way you’d expect from a coffee shop with a computer theme.

I’m going to end this on a note that will sum up for you the vibe of Linuxcafe very cleanly and simply:

Ahem,

Linuxcafe serves a wide variety of cold cereal.

You see what I mean?

Bulldog Coffee
89 Granby Street @ Church

This coffee shop is actually really really close to my apartment. I heard about their pretty lattes and rad coffee a while ago, but was constantly put off by online reviews citing the terrible service and mean staff, leading me to take the streetcar all the way over to Zoots or set up shop at the beloved Jet Fuel. Who wants a java from a jerk?

I finally bit the proverbial bullet a week ago - remembering that the lovely Jet Fuel staff got shitty reviews from under-caffienated interweb stone-throwers - and hit up Bulldog for a latte and cookie, Mr. Associate in tow, expecting some cold shoulders and bad attitude. To my delight, there was none! This quaint little shop boasts an understated mod decor, cute bulldog pictures, big bright windows, and the nicest barrista I have ever met. When I approached the counter I was met with the most sincere smile ever from an undoubtedly teenaged youth and a stacked drink menu which sported all of the coffee lover's essentials. I ordered a latte, Mr. Associate grabbed a chai, and we picked out a chocolate chip cookie to share before sitting down beside a large window and critiquing the fare.

Man, the latte was so pretty I didn't even want to drink it! The steamed milk was swirled to perfection - something Bulldog Coffee touts as a standard of service. I was glad once I decided to deface the design, though - the coffee was just superb. It wasn't as light as a Jet Fuel latte, but it came pretty close; a subtle bitterness beneath perfectly steamed milk and a fresh, sweet earthiness to the grind. Paired with a badass chunky chocolate chip cookie that hailed back to Mom's kitchen, my tastebuds were overwhelmed with the refined homestyle flavour of Bulldog. It was fantastic! I also had the pleasure of sampling Mr. Associate's chai latte, which kicked the shit out of Starbucks' pre-packaged spiced tea, an extra hint of cinnamon (and nutmeg, I think, but I couldn't put my finger on it) gave it a unique and home-made flair which really impressed me.

The shop was a tad small, but they have a quaint little patio that opened up as we (and the rain) left for the afternoon. Sidestepping the kitsch, it's a sweet, simple little place to get a rad grind and enjoy some relaxed conversation. I'll definitely head back there soon to sit dumbly over the beautiful coffee-art until my latte gets cold.

Badass.