In high school, we learned that there are four purposes of prison: punishment, protection (of the society from the convicted and of the convicted from society), deterrence (from the general population and recidivism), and rehabilitation. Someone commits a crime, is convicted, and goes to jail for the above-mentioned reasons – it seems rather simple and sensible. But no, the criminal justice system is not just a place of deep corruption; it’s sometimes just plain weird.

Think the recession is a huge bummer? So does the 45-year-old Taiwanese arsonist who asked for more prison time after serving his 10-year sentence. Unable to find employment, the starving man was on the street longing to return to life behind bars. These are hard economic times so before you start complaining about how difficult it is to find a summer job, be thankful that you’re not willing to forsake your freedom for a sandwich just yet.

Voluntary prison time isn’t just for poor arsonists and Michael Scofield, one very brave Illinois sheriff spent a week in jail to educate himself on prison life and recidivism programs. I know it’s only a week but he’s a sheriff and though I’m not an expert on the political viewpoints of inmates, I do think that it would be fair to assume that they probably really hate sheriffs. They would probably hate anyone who’s choosing to subject himself to prison life for a short amount of time with the intention of walking out “knowing” what serving prison time is like. It’s like when Tyra Banks pretended to be homeless for a day. I’m sure actual homeless people wanted to claw her famous face off.

For those interested in avoiding prison time whilst still enjoying the thrills of committing crime, one option is to increase your BMI ... by a whole lot. In 2008 alone, there were four news stories about convicts who were deemed too fat for jail. Mafiosi Salvatore Ferranti weighing in at 462 pounds did not fit in any the beds available at Italian prisons. Mayra Lizbeth Rosales, a woman convicted of murdering her two-year-old nephew, tips the scales at nearly 1000 lbs and can’t even get out her front door. I suppose morbid obesity is a prison in its own way.

Another way to circumvent the law is to be dead. George Morales, who died of heart disease inside his minivan, went undiscovered for weeks as officers only paused to write him a new parking ticket. The body was finally found when a city marshal attempted to tow the vehicle from beneath the overpass where it was parked.

For anyone wondering how the criminal justice system is corrupt (oh, you naive schmucks), this is for you: In Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, two judges were discovered of being paid millions of dollars from privately owned youth detention centres to convict and sentence children for minor offences (I’m talking setting up a myspace page that makes fun of the vice-principal and writing a prank note). These detention centres are reliant on a steady stream of young offenders in order to make money, receive grants and justify costs – to stay in business, essentially.

To learn more about how the law can screw you over, go rent this movie:

http://www.mrbigthemovie.com/

Also, the following sites are very helpful:

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE51N4SL20090224

http://uk.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUKN2046426420080820

http://hotlist.uk.msn.com/hotlist/mafia-man-salvatore-ferranti-too-fat-for-jail.aspx

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,23562972-661,00.html

http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_29112.aspx

http://www.neatorama.com/2008/08/25/too-fat-for-jail/

http://www.komonews.com/news/national/47044742.html

http://www.winnipegsun.com/news/world/2009/02/11/8356176-ap.html