Every month Daniel Bernstein watches an old movie of questionable quality. Armed with the belief that there are lessons to be learned in all situations, he and another Steel Bananas columnist attempt to find meaning where maybe there isn’t any. This month, Daniel sits with Matt Marshall and attempts to analyze Roger Corman's horror classic, The Terror starring Boris Karloff and Jack Nicholson.

Synopsis – Spoiler Warning

The Terror follows the story of a young French officer at the start of the nineteenth century named Andre (Nicholson). Andre finds himself separated from the rest of his unit and hopelessly lost on a beach. He is heat-stroked and delirious when he first encounters Helene, a beautiful woman. He follows her and as a result he almost drowns in the ocean. When he comes to, he finds he is in the care of an old woman thanks to the help of a local of the village named Gustaf. When Andre inquires about Helene, the old woman tells him that she is not real but Gustaf claims that the answers lie in the nearby castle of Baron Von Leppe (Karloff).

Determined to find out the truth Andre ventures to the castle where he meets the Baron and his servant Stefan. It is here that he is told that the woman he thought was Helene is actually Ilsa, the baron’s deceased wife. Throughout the rest of the film Andre repeatedly attempts to find the woman that has captured his heart only to be met by resistance from all sides. As it turns out many years ago the Baron caught Ilsa in bed with another man, who happened to be the son of the old woman. The Baron in a fit of rage murdered both of them and is now haunted by Ilsa and his own guilt. The ghost of Ilsa is the result of the old woman, who is a witch, attempting to get the Baron to kill himself.

What the witch is unaware of is that the Baron is in fact Eric, her son. (Complicated, I know.) In the end, everybody gets killed in spectacular fashion. A falcon tears out the eyes of Gustaf, the witch gets struck by lightning, and the baron and Stefan both end up drowning in the crypt beneath the mansion. Finally, Andre is proven that he was wrong all along when after finally saving Ilsa, she melts, revealing that she was a ghost the whole time.

Matt

A French military Officer gets separated from his unit. Officer discovers spooky castle. Officer discovers conspiracy in spooky castle. Officer runs around breaking down doors, kissing ghost women and punching mean-spirited birds. If anything, we are looking at the chaotic, and perhaps even existential nature of life manifesting itself on the screen.

Lt. Andre Duvalier seems to fit the bill of an existential hero: smashing and punching his way through Baron Victor Frederick Von Leppe's castle with the emotional range of a brick, not giving a fuck, with the ultimate goal of making out with some ghost chick. He's a man who wants to live life passionately and to hell with those who get in his way. Once all is said and done and he gets his cherished make-outs, the object of his desire melts like a block of cheese in a microwave and he trudges off down the road - probably to punch more birds.

How like life. Nicholson (whose French-ness is under review) might as well have muttered "hell is other people" just to complete the painting of how life is shit. Life can take you all kinds of crazy places, like when you go out for Pickle Barrel but wind up at Moxie's instead. Nicholson's life simply took a chaotic and unpredictable turn on a night out at Pickle Barrel. Did I mention that Jack Nicholson punches a bird?

Daniel

I think that the bird punching has been mentioned once or twice before. As much as I would love to say that the bird represents Andre’s mother and he punches it due to an unconscious desire to stand up to her, I think it has more to do with the latent badassness of Jack Nicholson. That’s right, no falcon will ever stand in his way. Despite these certain rare moments of brilliance, Andre is a piss poor excuse for a hero. He manages to accidentally stumble into a bad situation and make it worse.

The Baron Von Leppe is a poor deluded fool who is doomed almost from the start of the film. His own actions, as well as the actions of Katrina have assured this. His only potential salvation is Andre who is determined to stick his nose in where it doesn’t belong. While Andre insists on attempting to unravel the mystery of Helene he misses all the clues that she in fact may be the one who is the agent of doom. The result is the death of not only The Baron (who was pretty screwed anyways) but every other character in the movie.

The only person that Andre tries to save is the girl who is already dead, a fact that he ignores despite all the obvious signs (Not having a pulse and being able to walk through walls were what tipped me off). Perhaps this is another case of love making fools of us all.

Matt

Yeah. Andre is hardly heroic. The term "existential hero" just sounds academic-like. He definitely seems confused about what he wants. He wants to be back with his unit for awhile. Then he wants to get ghost-laid. Then he wants to solve some crazy curse conspiracy in the kooky castle. He seems to be a very confused man - possibly even some kind of quarter-life crisis. Andre-Nicholson also took a few turns behind the camera, so perhaps he felt very deeply about this quarter-life fuckery?

There is something wondrously abstract about how he finds himself in this whole situation. He just wakes up on a horse on some beach (crazy night at Pickle Barrel) with no clear idea how he got there or where the hell his buddies are. Suddenly, a ghost chick is beckoning, then disappears. Andre-Nicholson passes out again and wakes up with some old lady and Gustav. I think it is plausible that we are being taken on a crazy romp through Andre-Nicholson's deranged mind like some sort of unholy inflated bouncy castle.

So, what do we think of that? It's all a dream and Andre-Nicholson is confused about becoming a man? Maybe he's confused about his sexuality?

Daniel

There it is. The underlying issue with this movie. Why oh why does Andre care so much about what happens to the ghost chick? As far as I can recall there is no real reason that he would become so enamored with her besides her beauty. Now I will admit that while she is a looker she is certainly not worth the obsession. If this were the modern day (and she was alive) Andre would be slapped with a restraining order then deported back to France where he would have immense difficulty with the actual French speaking citizens.

I do feel like I need to point out that Andre isn’t the only obsessive personality in this fine little picture. Every single person is just a little bit off-kilter. Most notably is the Baron Von Leppe who as it turns out was really Eric, Ilsa’s lover. The fact that he had snapped so many years ago without anybody knowing is really indicative of how society sees the mentally ill. It is much better to wall yourself off in the castle of the man you killed then to face your problems.

Matt

So everyone is a little off-kilter in Andre-Nicholson's bouncy castle from hell? I also found it strange that for a Horror movie titled The Terror I didn't feel horror or terror. There's something strangely calming about the whole affair. This is border-lining on criticism of the film, but they must have consciously known that this movie was not scary? "Life gets crazy and deranged at times, but everything will be okay." I really don't know what else to poke and prod at in this film. Maybe a Marxist jab by looking at the class structures in the movie?

For awhile there I thought the crazy old lady was going to drop to her knees and start tending to the mud crops when the Baron's sidekick butler came to kick her off the land. The antiquated class structure is crumbling and everyone inside it is deranged as they desperately cling to the way things used to be. The Baron wants to be with Ilsa again. The Old woman wants her son back. Andre wants to get drunk with the boys again. Just like the good ol' times.

Daniel

Be honest, when was the last time that a horror movie truly scared you? We are so desensitized these days by the mountains of torture porn dumped on us that a simple little ghost story is tame by comparison. However the film does feature all of the classic signs of a horror movie and so I believe it is correctly categorized. As for Marxist overtones, I believe you might be on to something. The old lady, living without permission on the Baron’s land, is the one who is pulling all the strings. She is the one who has summoned Ilsa from beyond the grave in order to drive the Baron mad.

The cruel twist is that in the end even she is screwed over. There are no happy endings for anybody here. The only person alive at the end is Andre who finds that he should have listened to what everybody was saying to him. That in fact it is pointless to try to save a girl who is already dead. It is simply another case of an arrogant man not paying attention to the world around him.

Lessons Learned

1. Love will make fools of us all.

2. The French sound remarkably like Jack Nicholson.

3. Beware of ghost women who lure you towards the sea.

4. Never, under any circumstances, get separated from your unit.

5. Live life passionately because other people are hell.

6. If everybody tells you that the chick is dead, they are probably right.

7. The best defense against a falcon is a closed fist.