November sweeps in. A time to remember those who have sacrificed their lives for our peace on the horrid stage of war. A time to wear the red poppy on your breast. A time to lose that aforementioned poppy on your breast somewhere around your apartment. A time to be really paranoid that, while inattentive, you will like, step on that poppy you really swore was still on you that's now somewhere on a floor, maybe your floor, and will totally hurt your foot and suck. It is a time to wait in line with four million fucking people to wait in line for Modern Warfare 2. Christ that's a lot of people. It's a time for war games. No, not that campy movie. Campy games. It's a sensitive scenario, making a war game. You need to make it fun, without sensationalizing history. You need to make it dramatic without being disrespectful. Or you can pump it full of zombies till we forget what war we were even fighting in anymore.

• DO make it hell (MODERN WARFARE, MEDAL OF HONOR)

War is not a fun place to be, so why are we so entertained by grim depictions of mortality? I'm not making a statement, I'm just stating. Millions of Halo fans decided to subject themselves to playing as a puppet government head on the way to his public execution, and then be executed. These same gamers were then killed slowly and painfully in the dusts of a nuclear bomb. While saying these depictions are realistic is a stretch, there is something to be said about games that, while fun to trudge through virtually, make the field of war somewhere you'd prefer to stay far away from.

• DO NOT make it exxxxtreeeeme (SHELLSHOCK: NAM '67)

Making it hell is one thing. Trivializing human death as a selling point is another. From the makers of Killzone, a hyper exaggerated space Nazi invasion, came Shellshock: Nam '67. When a game hinges it's entire selling point on how "edgy" it's being, you probably aren't looking at something that's going to be that fun to play. Or respectful to human life for that matter.

• DO twist the war around to the point I personally forget what war this is supposed to be (CONTRA, ADVANCE WARS)

Okay, let's quit being grim here. Games are fun, have been since they were little bits on our fuzzy screens. It's hard to recognize the brutality of war in 8-Bit, nevermind recognize what is a man and what is a dragon, so I'll forgive the old-schoolers for making things hard to identify. Contra started out as a blazing tag team shooter that didn't so much take place in a war but a bunch of war looking places. Destroyed city landscapes, trenches, dark tropics, all seemingly in walkable distances from each other. Before you know it you're fighting aliens or aliens possessed by Satan, so fuck it, who cares anymore.

DO NOT... Do... Wh... Whatever the hell you'd call this (VALKYRIA CHRONICLES)

Now, I did say twist the vision till I can't recognize it, but come on Sega, you can't go half way. There's something very wrong about a game that turns WWII... Into an anime. And not an anime that looks like a war but a war that looks like an anime. I don't really like having a century's greatest tragedy easily relatable to catgirls. I guess both have a fondness for using belts, but at least the soldiers used them to tie things.

DO take it to the skies (1942, BATTLEFIELD, CHUCK YEAGER'S AIR COMBAT)

Maybe the best way to avoid dishonouring the fallen would be to depict it from a perspective that all the carnage just look like tiny little ants anyways. Dog fights are fast, frantic, fun and full of rewardable tricks. They are everything games should be. They are great in space and great on earth. They can be straight forward tackling of waves of bogies, or just an alternative form of combat in a polished experience, it's hard to think of a bad way to do air combat. Unless it's tirelessly realistic and boring as hell.

DO NOT forget that thing I said last month about movies (HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, PLATOON, NAVY SEALS, M*A*S*H, PLATOON AGAIN)

I don't know why they made two games out of Platoon. I don't know why they made a game about Platoon. I don't know why they made a game of Navy Seals but that's for an entirely different set of reasons. The best films about war are remembered for their message. These messages usually don't make it to the Game Boy version of these ventures.