Linuxcafe
326 Harbord Street @ Grace

What the fuck is Linux anyway? I’ve had it (sort of) explained to me a number of times and I’m continually stalled by words that I don’t understand coupled with the speed at which they are delivered to me because everyone that’s into Linux is really, really excited about it. “Open Source,” “Kernel,” what the fuck is this jazz?

Whoa there, fella, I’m an English major: my knowledge of computers doesn’t go far beyond the fact that they compute things (or something to that extent). I can turn it on, I can browse with the best of them (or at least with the most decidedly mediocre of them) and I can sure as shit write up a mean Word document. Other than that, I would probably have better luck trying to read Ulysses while fucked out of my tree on mushrooms standing in the middle of the 401 than attempting to figure out even the most rudimentary computer-related procedures.

But I digress: what the fuck is Linux anyway?

These are the things I think of when I think of Linux: “DIY”, “They have a penguin for a mascot”, “It’s free” and to quote Alexander Keith’s ad men, “Those who like it, like it a lot.” That’s about it. Will I ever unearth the mysteries of the ethereal program (is it a program?) known as Linux? Dave, proprietor of the Linuxcafe on Harbord nearly burst blood vessels trying to drill it into my prose-padded skull, but oh reader, how I resisted! Poor man, I didn’t understand a darn word he said to me.

Ah, just as well. I suppose it is my fault for making a special trip to Grace and Harbord to check out a place called Linuxcafe. What could I possibly have expected, a passing relation to the kernel (nudge nudge, yeah?) and that would be about it? What I did stumble upon, according to Dave, is in fact the Linux collective’s North American headquarters. Alright!

Well, anyway, as an Operating System/Collective/Kernel/Program/Open Source Thingy (etc.), Linux escapes me like a pesky roadrunner, but as a coffee spot, Linuxcafe is damn charming. As the hub of operations for the Open Source Geek community of Toronto, and by extension, the universe, there are just as many glowing laptops presided over by as many geeks as you would expect, but oh, there’s so much more! In between the stacks and shelves of code books, toy penguins (plush and otherwise) and other assorted nerd paraphernalia, Harbord Street’s modest strip offers a fine little place for nerds and un-nerds alike to get together and share a latte with some interesting and cool people, while at once maybe learning a thing or two about Open Source. Brewing the Toronto staple, I Deal Coffee, which is now brewed, like, everywhere, Linuxcafe halts its trendy factor right there and goes into full gear with unbridled, spectacular kitsch that assaults you from all directions. In the fun, laidback sort of way you’d expect from a coffee shop with a computer theme.

I’m going to end this on a note that will sum up for you the vibe of Linuxcafe very cleanly and simply:

Ahem,

Linuxcafe serves a wide variety of cold cereal.

You see what I mean?

Bulldog Coffee
89 Granby Street @ Church

This coffee shop is actually really really close to my apartment. I heard about their pretty lattes and rad coffee a while ago, but was constantly put off by online reviews citing the terrible service and mean staff, leading me to take the streetcar all the way over to Zoots or set up shop at the beloved Jet Fuel. Who wants a java from a jerk?

I finally bit the proverbial bullet a week ago - remembering that the lovely Jet Fuel staff got shitty reviews from under-caffienated interweb stone-throwers - and hit up Bulldog for a latte and cookie, Mr. Associate in tow, expecting some cold shoulders and bad attitude. To my delight, there was none! This quaint little shop boasts an understated mod decor, cute bulldog pictures, big bright windows, and the nicest barrista I have ever met. When I approached the counter I was met with the most sincere smile ever from an undoubtedly teenaged youth and a stacked drink menu which sported all of the coffee lover's essentials. I ordered a latte, Mr. Associate grabbed a chai, and we picked out a chocolate chip cookie to share before sitting down beside a large window and critiquing the fare.

Steamed milk swirled to perfection

Man, the latte was so pretty I didn't even want to drink it! The steamed milk was swirled to perfection - something Bulldog Coffee touts as a standard of service. I was glad once I decided to deface the design, though - the coffee was just superb. It wasn't as light as a Jet Fuel latte, but it came pretty close; a subtle bitterness beneath perfectly steamed milk and a fresh, sweet earthiness to the grind. Paired with a badass chunky chocolate chip cookie that hailed back to Mom's kitchen, my tastebuds were overwhelmed with the refined homestyle flavour of Bulldog. It was fantastic! I also had the pleasure of sampling Mr. Associate's chai latte, which kicked the shit out of Starbucks' pre-packaged spiced tea, an extra hint of cinnamon (and nutmeg, I think, but I couldn't put my finger on it) gave it a unique and home-made flair which really impressed me.

The shop was a tad small, but they have a quaint little patio that opened up as we (and the rain) left for the afternoon. Sidestepping the kitsch, it's a sweet, simple little place to get a rad grind and enjoy some relaxed conversation. I'll definitely head back there soon to sit dumbly over the beautiful coffee-art until my latte gets cold.

Badass.

Ezra’s Pound
913 Dundas West @ Bellwoods

I have to say, I’ve never been totally convinced that Ezra Pound was all that messianic as he’s sometimes made out to be - fascism aside. Let’s be honest here, we all did some things we weren’t proud of during the war, but having made that clear, Ezra Pound always seemed like he’d be a pretty big douche even if he weren’t all up in Mussolini’s grill. I’m not sure if I was expecting to be treated to a cup of coffee with a side of Doom, or a room full of people speaking entirely in offhand Imagiste remarks in numerous languages, but I suppose it wasn’t that much of a surprise, now that I think of it, that all of the people at Ezra’s Pound were, like, the nicest people ever. Why shouldn’t they be? It is only a name after all and when asked, the owner, whose name happens to be Ezra, shrugged off my harsh line of questioning with a we-had-to-call-it-something chuckle and eye-roll.

It was almost overwhelming how abundantly nice everyone is at Ezra’s Pound; god damn. I ordered a latte and was in turn ordered to sit down only to have my coffee brought to me literally on a silver platter with a glass of water – charming! Actually it was kind of awkward, but I nevertheless appreciated the gesture. And the coffee itself was most delish; just the right amount of bitter and OH MY GOD THE GIRL JUST CAME BY AND TOPPED OFF MY WATER FROM A VINTAGE-LOOKING BOTTLE AND ASKED ME HOW MY COFFEE WAS, WILL THE QUAINTNESS NEVER END?!?!?!

“It was phenomenal,” I said, and she ambled off all smiley.

So according to the man Ezra, all of the countertops and tables and chairs and stuff are all made of recycled junk (I’m sitting on an old church pew right now, which is making me feel a little weird on account of being, you know, kind of a heathen and all – Ezra was all like JUSTTHINKOFIT-PEOPLEPRAYEDRIGHTWHEREYOU’RESITTING-PRAYED – weird) and there’s this naked mannequin in the corner that I guess is pretty cool. Also he was telling me about all of the organic milk and coffee that they use and his totally un-fascist approach to business and business ethics and if I hadn’t just met him half an hour ago, I would have probably given him a hug for being a friggin’ rad dude.

Anyway, Ezra’s Pound is a totally cool and highly recommended café where you can grab a badass cup of coffee on recycled furniture with some obscenely nice people and them head on over to Bellwoods park for a leisurely toss of the old Frisbee, which I know I could seriously go for right about now.

So go give Ezra a high-five and tell ‘em Curran sent ya.

Manic Coffee
426 College Street (College & Bathurst)

I must have seen this coffee shop from the streetcar window thousands of times before I actually ventured in - oddly, almost every time I ambled down to Sneak's for a heaping guilt-free platter of nachos, I eyed the dark closed shop and made disorganized mental notes to head over there for a latte. Heading back from work last week in the rain, I eyed the shop from a packed streetcar and finally made a point to hop off and stop in; burning out from my from my morning's large Americano and doused by a May storm.

Located across from Sneaky Dee's, Plaza Flamingo and one of the only goddamn Royal Banks close to my apartment, Manic Coffee has a sweet location and an even sweeter vibe, as I quickly learned upon entering. With mod decor that resists the we-want-to-be-indie-so-bad-we've-ended-up-looking-kitsch aesthetic, Manic's tasteful space sports natural palettes and an understated retro feel. With a totally stacked magazine rack at the front of the shop, exposed brick, soft music playing, and black and white framed photos adorning the walls, the whole vibe of the place is totally cool and relaxing, setting an inviting atmosphere that motivates patrons - new and regular - to the hit up the counter.

The staff was great - not too hip to be friendly, and ready to crack jokes and chat with the customers. I paid my $3.90, grabbed my latte (complete with beautiful steamed-milk design) and sat on the long bench at the front of the shop to sample their coffee. It was awesome. With a roast that was entirely full-bodied and bold without being bitter, the coffee had just the right amount of sweetness and a pleasantly bitter aftertaste. The milk was steamed to perfection, swirled into a perfectly symmetrical heart - a pretty drink for a stormy day.

At 5:00pm on Thursday when I hit up the shop, I was surprised to see that they still had an abundance of baked goodies, - muffins, croissants, sandwiches and wraps - as well as juices and water in a starbucks-esque case beside the counter. Considering that most independent coffee shops in Toronto only offer minimal snack-fare, if any, this shop is an awesome find for those of us who like juice with their java or a muffin with their mocha. Alright, I'll stop.

Manic has all the amenities of a chain coffee joint, but boasts the local feel and laid-back atmosphere of an indie op. I'd totally recommend checking it out.

Zoots Cafe
1438 Dundas Street West

Zoots is a cool spot, to be sure; a small, twenty-seater café just outside of Portugal Village - they make easy work of achieving the clear goal of being a quaint and quiet neighborhood coffee shop. Cool antique furniture and décor adorn the place and I’ve never seen it overly busy, so it is a great place to get work done (see: free wifi – eat it, Starbucks) as the atmosphere is fantastically conducive to pounding out some freaky shit on your laptop. And if you get a little bit weary of work, why not take a break and play a board game? Zoots has got a big shelf of books and games that you might pass the time with on a rainy or otherwise day, which even if you have no interest in perusing extensively, is still pretty cool to look at and adds a lot to the joint’s homey-factor.

As for the coffee, Zoots makes a fierce latte, nothing out of this world in terms of being overly bold, but definitely worth the trip - and at $3.25, it’s about standard in that respect. They’ve also got a fairly large selection of tea, so when you ask for a green, they’ll usually ring off an extensive list of green teas to which I often find myself responding with an indifferent “Whatever. Sure.” The munchables are pretty champ too – I had this totally badass cookie there that was something like chocolate-chip-toffee-dried-cherry or what have you; anyway, it was a rad fucking cookie and they’ve got pretty kickin’ bagels as well.

Zoots Café has in the few weeks since I’ve first checked it out jumped pretty high up in my pantheon of sweet coffee spots in Toronto. My one gripe about it is fairly inconsequential, being that I personally don’t really have much reason to go out to that area too often and thus I consider it somewhat out of the way. However, the fact that I really dig the place is reason enough to make a special trip. Rockinjazztastic(asaurus) coffee, snacks and ambience as well as really nice people make Zoots one of my new favorite procrastination hangouts.

Jet Fuel Coffee Shop
519 Parliament Street

Nestled in Cabbagetown, just north of Carlton on Parliament, Jet Fuel Coffee Shop is a pillar of the neighbourhood, attracting mid-twenties hipsters, art types, families, and even, occasionally Michael Ondaatje. It's small (but recently extended) dual-leveled space, painted a warm red with an ever changing showcase of Toronto Visual Artists and photographers adorning the walls, is simple and modern; well designed to house the multitude of people who come trampling through each day. With tasteful tunes blaring incessantly, it's not always the best place to work, but with free Wifi and kickin' lattes, it's defintely a great place to hang.

The coffee itself is subdued, not overly assertive or bold, with an undeniable sweetness that demands no sugar. They totally nail the foam, too, showcasing their steamed-milk prowess with lattes in tall pint-glasses. Though they only have muffins for the first hour they're open, the coffee and laid back atmosphere is wicked enough to keep people coming in to work, read or hang.

Though the service is constantly criticized for being rude or full of attitude, I've found that the baristas at Jet Fuel are pretty nice. They're totally not the "Hey honey, how was your day" kind of crowd, but when you're totally burnt out, have miles to go before sleep, and just want to work in a space with free wifi and killer lattes, their relative anonymity is greatly appreciated. Jet Fuel is definitely a cool urban spot to sit on your laptop and do some work, or to read a book and admire Michael Ondaatje from afar.